Posted by: Ofer Aronskind | November 9, 2010

Split-Time (doesn’t mean Part-time) Parenting: Advice on focusing on the Big Picture

This is a guest post by Ode Manderson

Ode Manderson is a father of a six year old girl, he is a wellness consultant and a contributor to a number of blogs. Ode lives in New York City

The fallout of a relationship ending comes with its own complications in its own right. When it involves a child, depending on how it’s handled every move made will impact the product of what you two have created together. However that boy or girl, while not being able to have their parents in the same household can still have a platform to grow and learn from.

This involves agreement of the two parties, a process that while can be simple, circumstances and emotions can render this sticky and unpleasant. Speaking from my own experience (I am the single father of a six year-old girl) it was trial and error.

The best form of advice I can give to any parent is ACTION – too broad? Consider your child to be a blank page and every action (or inaction) is a mark of history that will reflect his/her future and your role in his/her life. Inventive uses of time and energy are extremely helpful when sharing your child over time and distance:

1). Having events planned out beforehand – this can maximize the allotted time you may have with your child. With the web at your fingertips, or imagination, creating experience for them to step into is a great way to build continuity and excitement. It can be anything, from making dinner together, walks in the park or movies – setting up expectations are key

2). Different locations might call for different sets of rules, especially if your parents have contrasting ideas for what’s appropriate and what’s not. Talking with the child is important on this one to minimize confusion (personal example, I don’t allow my daughter to chew gum; her mother does. Eventually that phased out of her interest zone) and setting this up in advance to allow time for them to absorb the shifts

3). Conversation with your child is the most beneficial. Engage them in small talk! – little nuances can seep through and allow the parent to get a “scene inside the scene” i.e. a deeper understanding of emotional and psychological development in a no-pressure setting

The transition from child to adulthood happens over time and with alarming speed. The highlights looking back will be how they were loved and taken care of by both parents. How far they had to travel to get that love and care will be mere footnotes.

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Responses

  1. Hey Ode

    Lovely points you made. Made me remember my split too from my ex wife. Hurts, but your children help pull you through.

    I am a father of beautiful 3 girls. They all unique, which makes them even more special.

    Drop by my blog site and have a look at my progress (or not) in raising 3 young super stars.

    http://www.howtobethebestparent.com

    Hope to see you there?

    Good luck…

    Wayne

    • Wayne how are you? Thank you for your enjoyment of my blog. I will check out your website to check on your progress

      Successful New Year to you

      Ode

      • Hey Ode,

        Thanks for the response. I am GREAT…looking forward to a successful and loving 2011… you?

        Keep in touch?

        best regards

        Wayne


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